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Thursday 30 May 2013

Quality "Mum and Me" Time

One of the nicest things about the school holidays is that I get the chance to spend a decent amount of time with my parents.  Yesterday Mum and I blocked in a full day on the calendar to do whatever we felt like. There was a provional plan to do some sightseeing but this morphed into a shopping trip when it was clear that it was going to be wet.

I pottered up to Droitwich first thing and did a bit of food shopping - milk, butter, fruit and veg. This gave Mum chance to have the slow start she needs nowadays due to her Huntingtons. (If you are not familiar with this illness, I explained it in a post last November with the title 'My Mum')

Anyway, we went into Worcester with idea that we would do some gentle shopping for a couple of party outfits and stop for a nice lunch and a natter. Its Mum's 70th birthday in September and my parents Golden Wedding Anniversary a couple of weeks later. My parents are also off on a river cruise through Europe in a few weeks time. Plenty of chances to get dressed up!

Mum and I shop well together. We get ourselves in the disabled changing rooms and Mum wiggles out of her clothes. I then potter round the store collecting anything that might fit the brief. Mum has quite a round shape but she's also quite small. The Huntingtons has got a lot worse recently and its important to buy things that won't catch or rub.  Its also quite hard to find clothes that will hang right and look glamorous on a body that moves all the time. A certain high street chain store let us down completely yesterday. However we struck gold in a shop that we'd never been into before. It was lovely to find some dresses inslightly different styles, colours and shapes, that look great on and will make Mum feel special.

When we got home Mum spread all her purchases out across the bed and Dad had to stand and admire the fashion show. He didnt mind that we'd raided his bank balance a little. He loves Mum to bits but its very tiring being the carer. When Mum has some time with me he gains a few hours where he doesn't have to worry.  He also hates clothes shopping!

Its after days like these that I wonder if I'm right in working full time. My Mum may only be 69 but her days of mobility are fixed. Things were lovely yesterday and Mum was determined to walk slowly round the town centre. She is going to need a wheel chair in the future and it will be harder to chat over lunch when her speech and eating reflexes degenerate.  The thing is - I'm not an only child. My younger sister lives down the road. She seems to have taken the decision to work part time but she doesn't seem to realise that Mum and Dad might appreciate some support.  I love my sister to bits.... but she does a very good impression of the ostrich that stuck its head in the sand!

No news on my poorly computer.  Jx

12 comments:

  1. It sounds like you are being a good carer, as well. How lovely that you got to spend such a productive day with your mom. I hope the river tour is as wonderful as I imagine it to be!

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  2. What a lovely day together. It sounds like you're being very sensible and realistic about things, even though it's extremely hard to take everything on board. None of us know what's around the corner, it's important for all of us to make the most of each and every day. Don't be too hard on your sister, we all cope in different ways, and though it may seem that she's sticking her head in the sand, it may be her way of coping.

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  3. Everyone is different, no doubt about that. Your relationship with your mum sounds absolutely wonderful - I imagine she loves having her personal shopper pick things out for her - fun for you, too! A successful day all round, by the sound of it. Your love shines through. xx


    p.s. I do understand your frustration - my family are pretty much the same about leaving me to cope with my aunt, even though they only live 5 minutes away from her, whereas I have to travel for an hour.

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  4. You are a reasonable, pro-active woman who sees things as they are and goes about doing what needs to be done with great care. Perhaps your sister is almost afraid to see your Mother clearly? She can pop in and out and not have to deal with the disease all the time. She may feel inadequate to take your Mother shopping. Easier just to visit, chat for a time and then be on her way. I am the way you are, and there have been so many times when I just wanted to be an ostrich!!!

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  6. (Sorry, had to delete the first comment as I made a mistake writing it and it didn't makes sense!)

    It's good that you had a lovely day together and that you can do that - I hope there will be many more to come before things get worse and you can make the most of your days together. It's a shame that your sister isn't more helpful but I suppose it's just her way, maybe you could have a chat to her sometime?

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  7. Hi Jan. Its lovely you were able to spend quality time with your mum. I'm sure it will have done her the world of good too and those moments are precious.

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  8. It sounds like you had a lovely day with your Mum and I bet she is thrilled with the purchases that she will enjoy wearing on her holiday and for the special occasions. I expect you Dad enjoyed his free time too:)

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  9. The full time vs need to help problem is an eternal one, isn't it? There is no easy answer. I work part time on supply but could do with full time for the money but..... but part time means I can do things with my Mum. But I need the money..... It will be an eternal problem and an unsolveable one. I hope you can come to a solution that suits all parties. In the mean time, appreciate the times you have and how much it means to your parents who know how you feel, I am sure. And thank you for your honesty. It resonated with me.

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  10. Quality time together is very precious and it sounds like you had a lovely day out and what a year of treats to come. Juggling working and personal life can be a right pain at times, but it does make you appreciate the special times together too. x

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  11. you are blessed to be in each others lives.

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  12. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your parents, kudos to them for a job well done. It is hard when our parents, or anyone really, has a degenerative disease. The time will come when your sister won't be able to close her eyes to it anymore.

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